The Craigslist Files #197 - More Useless Crap

The Craigslist Files #197 - More Useless Crap

Because for some reason you just can’t bring yourself to throw it away

At this point, I have become convinced that Craigslist truly is the last bastion of discarding useless junk.  For some reason, people have a problem with throwing things into the garbage, perhaps thinking that maybe, just maybe, there’s someone out there that can use what they have to offer.  After petitioning friends and spamming Facebook and realizing that no one wants their goods, these people inevitably turn to Craigslist to solve their problem.  The result?  A “free” section that reads like an inventory list of a landfill.  Check out the latest entries into this horrible world.

First and foremost, a typewriter.  The poster obviously thinks much the same way that I do about these strange antiques.  Do people really continue to use these things?  I mean, the last time I tried to use a typewriter I couldn’t even find the delete key, let alone the copy/paste function.  Who designed these things anyways?  Still, this guy really tries to sell it.

Get the Big, Black Typewriter You've Been Craving

I know what you're thinking, "My God, what wonderful thing have I done to deserve such luck?" Well, you must've been a good boy or girl because I have, at this very moment, a Big, Black Typewriter. And I'm willing to let you steal it away from me at the best of all prices:FREE. 
The Big, Black Typewriter in question is a purebred, 100% genuine IBM Correcting Selectric II, featuring a large black case, Qwerty keyboard, and light protective coating of dust. Also included is an electrical cord (presumably for plugging into a wall outlet.) The typewriter is in nearly pristine condition (because, seriously, who uses a typewriter?) As a bonus, I'll throw in the fact that I have no idea if it works, which means that you, yes you, can have the heady feeling of anticipation: will it or won't it turn on? Be the one to make the exciting discovery! 
Own this icon of archaic technology now for three easy payments of nothing, never. Simply stop by our office at… to claim your new (used) Big, Black Typewriter. This is a limited time offer, so hurry down. The typewriter will be distributed on a first-come, first-takes basis; and don't call to ask me to hold it for you. If I wanted you to call, I'd've given you my number. 
Good luck! 

 

Next up, a rock.  Yes, a damn rock.  If you’re landscaping and don’t mind going out of your way to get a rock to really put the perfect highlight on your creation, you may just be in luck.  Otherwise, this guy is still sitting on this rock (well, maybe not literally…).

Free landscaping or garden rock

Large landscaping rock. This rock is approximately 3ft by 3ft by 2ft. It's very heavy. We are not able to move or deliver this rock but its free. Please call for address 

 

The third entry is bizarre as hell.  I’m not even quite sure what a “weave” is… is that like a wig?  Well, whatever the proper definition of the product, this guy has one that is readily available for any takers.  In other words, this guy broke down and threw this in the garbage at some point.

Free Weave (purple comb included)

This alluring weave can be found hanging on a bush on…
Not really sure how it could have gotten here but some of our guesses are that the previous owner:
1. wanted to go back to her natural hair length 
2. was drunk and got a little too rough with her comb
3. got into a fight and lost
Or quite possibly, she might want someone else to have long luxurious hair just like she once did and work it.
Will it be you?
Get it girl.

 

And finally, a… uh, “plow” light.  This master of run-on sentences is trying to get rid of some sort of lighting device.  Is this a light for a plow, like a piece of farm equipment?  Or am I just not up on the hip-kids’ slang these days?  Either way, the following individual really needs to think more about the way he advertises.  I wouldn’t go near this guy’s house with a shotgun and Arnold Schwarzenegger as backup…

sexy plow light

I have a 21 year old plow light it blows your fuse every time you plug it in , it's still and nice plow light it spins sometimes I usually have to punch it that's why it looks rough I didn't like how slow it spun so I added a sticker now it won't go at all but the light still works if u spin it by hand I'm thinkin you guy would be like junk but here's the nice part if u put this on ur roof and turn it on you can drink ..you got that its 21 years old call the police and ask its a certified manual plow light that works if you punch it , I would trade for another plow light I collect them so that's why I really appreciate you readin this add .i mean now a days people list there stuff as so great I'm just a honest 20 year old transvestite that likes guys just sayin so u dont laugh when you get here. Thank you all have a great nite don't drink without ur plow light.

 

So if you ever have anything that you seriously need to get rid of but are not willing to do what most sane people do and just throw the damn thing away, go ahead and check out Craigslist.  No one will take what you have to offer, but you might as well put the time and effort into creating an amusing post so that others can have a laugh at your expense.  Until next week, try not to lose your weave.