When you need to voice your anger, it’s not always good to do so in the middle of a public place. I mean, you’ll probably get arrested if you scream too loudly and cause a big scene. So what are you supposed to do, just bottle it up and let your anger silently rage inside of you?
Luckily, this is one area where the Internet comes in handy and Craigslist seems almost tailor-made to handle. When you have the need to throw things and shout at the top of your lungs, you can instead just type out your frustrations and then post them anonymously. If someone reads them, then you are justified in your actions. If the person you’re pissed at happens to read them (unlikely though it may be), then bonus. Today, I’ve collected three great raves from the bitter line-up that is the Craigslist crowd. Enjoy.
The first man apparently had a bad day at the library. It’s true though, his underlying message - the most obnoxious of people always seem to end up at places where they accepted the least. Anyone who’s ever rode the bus knows this to be fact. It’s especially fun listening to people rave at the top of their lungs about how many times they’ve been to jail for meth. But anyways, I digress into my own anger. Check out this guy’s instead.
Loud (and Hot) Library Spectacle - m4w
You were at the library today at about 12:30. I really like how you had your ipod so loud that people across the room could hear it. Deaf girls really appeal to me, and you'll doubtlessly be one, some day.
You were listening to banal hip-hop--I could make out some of the lyrics. You went and sat by people who were silently reading, and I think your total disregard for their peace was hot.
When you answered your phone to talk inarticulately to your friend about your embarrassing (although you didn't seem embarrassed, and I like that) drinking binge, I knew I had to try and contact you through this site.
Anyway, I hope you get this. I really like how socially inept and oblivious to other people you are. Hopefully we can meet up and go somewhere and be unwittingly obnoxious together.
The next post is something that most of us can relate to at one time or another. True, there are those out there that have such bad grammar as to make nails on a chalkboard seem preferable to reading what they have to say, but to become a grammar troll is perhaps one of the only things worse than not knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re”. If you’re (your?) one of those people, you know who you are and you need to cut it out. Let those of us who haven’t had our coffee yet make the occasional mistake and keep your trap shut.
I've been lurking for a while, but recently I've been too overcome by passion to remain in the shadows. Every time you post a correction to a previous post I get an enormous girl-boner. It's such a turn-on when you scour public listings looking for mistakes. Damn...is there anything hotter than pointing out the flaws of others?
I don't know your exact identity, but I've seen clues all over town. Like the little correction marks on bathroom stalls. I'll admit that I've overstayed my welcome in said bathroom stalls. Those little circles and hatch marks got me so excited that I just sat there and fingered myself while other patrons pounded the door. You're right. That IS the wrong "your". Mmmmmmm....Bliss.
Sometime I want to meet you in person. I'll bring my red pen and we can print out Missed Connections and giggle about how fucking stupid everyone is. Then maybe later we can circle the freckles and blemishes on our bodies. The mistakes that make us ugly. Make sure you get that big birthmark on my waist. If that was an English paper, I would never even pass Comp. 1. And the scar on my wrist is the equivalent of using a preposition at the end of a sentence. Fucking gross. I know you can fix me. Do they make White-Out in flesh tones?
You and I both know that proper grammar is the most important factor in someone's attractiveness, and with a little work I know we can go together like Robert Frost and a high school reading response. Baby, we were meant for each other.
Please thoroughly correct this post and send it back to me so I know it's really you.
The final entry is a preemptive attack to ward off one of the worst phenomenons that we here in the Pacific NW have to deal with - the hipster. These folks are a strange lot and some are truly intolerable. To avoid having one move in next to you is almost as satisfying and throwing one off of your balcony. Almost.
Dear Future Hipster Neighbor
Dear Future late 20/early 30 Hipster Neighbor from the Mid-west/South/Idaho:
I know you are the coolest kid in Iowa/Ohio/Idaho/Texas/Florida/etc but...
While scanning CL for a cool vintage apartment near Hawthorne or Alberta, a sweet barista job and a new fixie to ride around on once you arrive, please reconsider your decision, and please do not move here.
There aren’t any jobs for the people who already live here. Word on the street is that your Stumptown barista job won’t last once people find out you are a 30-something college graduate from Ohio.
I heard the eastside is going to break off from the Willamette River and will soon become part of the Couve (aka you will live in something similar to where you currently live, but rainier)….
Plus, living in the Pearl or NW is too expensive for your $9/hour barista job. And no cool hipsters live on the SW Side.
Your previous future neighbor
So when real life gets you down and you need somewhere to vent, check out Craigslist. Who knows? It may even help lower those stress levels. And if not, you might just make the “Best of…” list and others will be able to laugh a little. At the very least, it may keep you from punching the first clown you see.