The Craigslist Files #168 - Dating Fails

The Craigslist Files #168 - Dating Fails

How not to meet someone on the Internet.

I know I’ve made fun of a lot of people while doing these Craigslist Files posts.  With so much poor grammar, idiotic posts and random gibbering, it’s hard not to.  Some people just don’t get it and they are the perfect targets for my trolling aggression.  The dating areas in particular are perfect fodder for a good laugh, especially when you search through the sections that host all the pervy, kinky bastards looking for a good time. 

Of course, when you’re looking for something “alternative”, your posts are bound to come out a little bit odd no matter what you do, especially if you’re being honest.  That kind of stuff all works out in the end.  But for those that treat Craigslist as an honest-to-goodness dating option, their posts need to be a bit more refined.

Upon looking through these genuine posts, I discovered that the normal man-for-woman and woman-for-man sections are pretty mundane.  Aside, perhaps, from posting a mile-long list of requirements for those they wish to respond to their ads, most people are literate, fairly open and the posts they end up creating are typical of what one might find at any dating site.

But like all areas of the big CL, there are those that try and fail.  Whether they just don’t care, happen to be a little bit undereducated (or come off like they are) or have no sense of socially acceptable ways to approach the situation, the end result is the same - no date for you!

Here are a few examples of the reason that many people who try to date through Craigslist will remain single for a long time to come:

The first is what one could refer to as the “bad sales pitch”.  If you want to find someone, you’re supposed to highlight your good qualities.  This individual takes quite the opposite approach.

Moms always hate me - 30

All these other monkey fucks on here are telling you all the best things about themselves, lying, pumping up their egos in the hopes that you'll contact their depraved, lonely, clingy selves in pursuit of a fairy tale.. Well here's the real truth about me.
Moms always hate me.
Must be because I'm such an asshole.
I don't actually care how your day at work was.
I don't actually care what your cunty best friend posted on her facebook.
I spit. I smoke. I cuss. I fight. I check out other women all the time. 
I'll tell you whatever I think you want to hear to get in your pants.
Great catch right?

The next few are examples of the “illiterate sales pitch”.  If you can’t figure out how to edit your own posts, including using capital letters, punctuation and some degree of grammar, you should not be using the Internet to communicate anything to anyone.

This guy is 33 and still hasn’t figured out the language:

lookinf for text friend - 33

looking for friendz and maybe more send ur number and a pic and we can talk and maybe meetup for dinner im sick of the bots so please be real 

And the next hasn’t learned anything better from having an extra 8 years on the guy before him:

gene pool'e man - 41

hello nice breezy day today. would like to have dinner tonight with a lovely 
female im 6 ft tall 188 lbs with brown hair and eyes . I have a nice dog l please change the heading and a pic for pic if your seriouslooking for ltr maybe a woman that would like to live with me. i do own my house and i drive. maybe we can go dancing tonight 

Wait… did he just say he’s looking for someone “serious looking”?  Or were there some words left out there?

And not to give the ladies any more credit than the men, here’s a 20-year-old woman who fails in the same way.  The only difference is that men are much more likely to respond to an ad written in an illiterate way than women are.  It’s not sexist, it’s just the truth - men are much more forgiving when it comes to dating stupid girls.

hey :) - 20

ages18- 24 plz . hey im looking for something long term im tired of the stupid games :(
i love kids if u have a kid awesome if not cool too :) I like guys that let u know.there sick and.just want to cuddle.all-day and be babyed by there gf I baby so if.ur.ever sick day:)
i dont have kids i want 2 someday though..
im kinda a country girl but ill listen to anything. 
im really sweet and get along well with people if you have questions.. favorite type in the head line no pic no responce
msg me id love a boy who hates being sick n all that<3 I n take care.of him 

It looks like her punctuation migrated all over the damn place in that one.  The periods just wouldn’t sit still apparently.

So let that be a lesson to anyone who wants to hook up using the Craigslist for dating.  You need to at least appear to be smart.  Even if you’re dumb as a box of Mitt Romneys, you can still have someone edit your post and help you sell the lie.  Maybe, just maybe, you might be able to pull off the smart act long enough to convince someone that they should stick around anyways, no matter how low-powered your brain processing unit is.