Youtube Nation: My Painfully Unfunny Valentine

Because I'm going to be spending the better part of next Friday in a criminal amount of discomfort with no means of contacting the outside world (hooray for American air travel), I decided to bump up Net Insanity's obligatory Valentine's Day coverage to today's Youtube Nation entry. See, Valentine's Day is actually two separate but related holidays, only one of which is actually relevant to Youtube. One half of Valentine's Day is a celebration of romantic love that couples get to enjoy/be obligated to by eating expensive meals, buying gifts for one another and overlooking the troubling implications of being kinder and more loving to their partners for one day than they are for the rest of the year.

YouTubeThe other half of the holiday is a depressing observance recognized by all the lonely, single people of the world. Everyone celebrates in his or her own way. Some eat comfort food and cry, others get drunk and masturbate with a clinically dangerous amount of fury. A few desperate folks even hit the town hoping to find an equally desperate counterpart with whom they may overcome their many flaws to find love or just a little company. In one form or another, some variety of all the above and more find their way onto Youtube to make a sad, ugly Valentine's Day message.

The burly gentleman in the above video left his Why I'm Single case file on the site last year under the false assumption that he was commiserating with all the other unlucky fellas who had to spend the holiday sans foreign moisture. Like so many lonely people, ryanmercer317 isn't so much hopeless as he is a baffling collection of bad habits. The guy seems to have a decent place to live and judging by the fact that he's recording in a living room rather than a dank bedroom I'd say he doesn't live with his parents. Alas, he bears a neckbeard, speaks inarticulately about science fiction and seems genuinely pained by the prospect of eye contact. I don't say this often, but this guy ought to sell his TV for a bag of cocaine. It would improve his life considerably.

But I have so much more sympathy for thick, irretrievably geeky people than I do for the multitudes of early 90's style stand-up comedian wannabes who populate Youtube with their particular brand of validation desperation. The class clown bit got old the minute you graduated, supricky06. Cut your faux-hawk and talk like a freaking grown-up.

Speaking of haircuts... Never, ever procreate, DesandNate.

I suppose when it comes to Youtube, I prefer pure insanity when I can't get actual talent or intelligence. That's why my favorite Valentine's video for the year comes from a lip-pierced teen who has clearly decided to cope with his well-deserved loneliness by retreating into his own stalled psyche. I hope that this Valentine's Day, jayounit11 finds a nice young man who will hold him tight through the cold, dark nights of this cruel world.

Happy Valentine's Day, creeps.