Back in the early days of television, nobody knew what they were doing. Shows were more or less put together in the exact same format as a stage production. That's why so many fictional suburbanites have lived in houses with only three walls and are apparently always being observed by a phantom audience that laughs on cue. The creative geniuses who devised those first productions were functionally oblivious to the fact that they had an entirely new medium full of unique possibilities at their disposal. Over time, the more savvy TV people started doing neat tricks like narrative cinematography and special effects. Soon, conventions started to form and now we take them for granted. A similar series of events has taken place on the Internet.

When people first got their virtual hands on platforms like Youtube and webcasts, they leaned on pre-existing media to inform their approach. Webcasts have more or less been radio shows and Youtube videos have, at best, mimicked television. As users toy around with the tech and try to differentiate themselves from the millions of other content nodes on the Internet, they end up stumbling upon novelty and latching onto it to create natural conventions.

That's why I don't need to understand the majority of what the boys from "Diese Schule Rockt" are saying to know the gist of what their videos are about. And when I say "what their videos are about" I don't mean the specific subject matter. See, on the Internet, substance rarely matters. Just like audience interaction is meaningless on television, actual content is little more than gravy for style on Web entertainments. The "Diese Schule Rockt" guys are just a German-speaking version of an Internet video convention that has become popular enough to stick.

The DSR fellas are what I like to call Fast-Talking Irony Geeks. The usual format of FTIG videos is two to three average-looking but still reasonably photogenic people pretending to be more geeky than they actually are, darting through a clever (but not too clever) script on one subject or another, making sure to be intermittently adorable so they don't seem threatening or pretentious. They'll usually employ some small props and choreography, and they'll certainly use as many fast cuts as possible without being too disorienting.

The FTIG format is just a natural extension of that feigned incompetence so many Youtubers employ. A lot of the cute, scrappy feel of FTIG videos is put on. It's a thick layer of relatability slathered onto a product of practiced editing, careful scripting and not just a little cinematography.

So, the substance of what they're talking fast about doesn't really matter. They're not trying to educate or advertise, they're trying to be loved by seeming common and funny. Whether it's in English, German or Tagalog, the point of FTIG videos is to be both populist and endearing. Still, I'm glad Web videos have developed their own conventions. I'd hate for everything on the Internet to be as slick and filtered as television. To all the Fast-Talking Irony Geeks out there, keep doing what you're doing. It beats the hell out of laugh tracks and commercial breaks.