Most of the graffiti archeologists have discovered from ancient Rome have been messages from drunks outside taverns and whore houses about how frequently they've pissed on a particular wall or the epic number of prostitutes they've schtupped over the last month. These bits of scrawl are a counterpart to the classical image of Rome's golden age. While the great orators were dropping some of their illest rhymes on the senate, a teeming city of complete morons held itself together with little more than the grease in their hair and enough bread and circus to ensure they would only spend a fraction of their lives sober and attentive. A very similar contrast occurs on a daily basis on CNN.com. While the quality of the news on that website isn't quite what it ought to be, it's respectable enough to make its comments boards seem laughably incongruous. The CNN article forums are, without a doubt, some of the most impressive collections of abject stupidity on the Internet today. Like fruit flies around a rotting apple, idiots of every stripe swarm the CNN.com comments threads where they hold back nothing.

Though nobody's really talking about it, I've been fascinated with the recent arrest of 11 alleged Russian spies, 10 of whom were caught in the United States. The best part of the story is that it's completely non-threatening. Experts have been saying that the spies got caught because they were careless and poorly trained. Bumbling, if you will. I even read an interview with an ex-KGB agent who basically said that all the supposed state secrets the spies were after can be readily accessed legally. The truth is that these spies were really just loose ends from Vladimir Putin's presidency back in 1994 and that the Russian government may have just abandoned or forgotten them, which is both sad and a little funny. Also sad and funny are the comments left by CNN's readers on the main Russian Spy article. Observe:

brad
i wonder how many mexican spies are here alot from my sources i heard they are using witchcraft and similar tactics on americans it sounds hard to believe but true but with jesus even the enemy will lick the dust of your feet people of the mighty god

Though I enjoy being a rational, educated person, I must admit to a little bit of jealousy for the lifestyles of the insane and acutely Christian. How amazing it must be to wake up every day and believe you are in a world that is full of magic, intrigue and the epic war between good and evil. Even in my most whimsical days of childhood I never believed in anything so fantastic as Mexican spy witches. This guy Brad is a regular on the CNN boards, spouting nonsense like the above on a variety of topics. This one is a gem, though. I had to record it for posterity.

Tom in Minnesota
Socialists really don't need to spy. They have allies throughout the government.

Much like Godwin's Law, there is an as-yet-unnamed law that states, "With any discussion of American politics on the Internet, the likelihood that someone will call Barack Obama a socialist or a communist quickly approaches 1." It should also be noted that only Americans ever call Obama a socialist. This is because a lot of Americans just don't understand what socialism actually is. The above comment sparked a long debate about socialism in America, by which I mean an idiotic flame war that consumed all pretense to fact and reason in its blaze.

Bill
If we really want to punish those turkeys, send back to Russia asap. Russian jails are notorious, they might be lucky and get shot first by the KGB for getting caught. Worst part they will miss their good life here, that is punishment enough. If I was one of them I would ask for political assignment. I can go for ever, this a very funny event

Bill, I think you and I need to have a little talk. First of all, nobody says "turkey" as an insult anymore. Turkey is an Asian landmass or a delicious semi-domesticated fowl. Nothing else. Second, the KGB hasn't existed since 1991, unless you believe the national security agency of Belarus has a vendetta against Russian spies. Lastly, that whole "life in America is better than everywhere else" mindset hasn't been relevant for a long time and is especially silly today. We're in the middle of an intractable economic crisis, our education system is failing and we don't even lead the world in Internet speeds. Maybe you ought to give up on the jingoism, turkey.