Aside from being a current source of absurd heat, Virginia is famous for being the very first colony of the British Empire in North America. As such, it has had more time than anywhere else in the nation to both mature and absorb the inherent craziness of the United States. My own recent visit to the Richmond area got me wondering what kind of weirdness I'd find on its craigslist page, especially considering that the region itself is like a living List. The multiple Colonial Era tourist traps are like the most ridiculous Activities ads made flesh and the city has an arbitrary (not to mention wholly undeserved) obsession with pancakes that echoes some of the more Spergin' aspects of the List. A quick jaunt through Richmond's actual Activities page doesn't skimp on the crazy.

?snt there anybody help me

hi guys . ?m abraham. male. ? m turk?sh and wanna ?mprove my engl?sh. ? m so sport?ve person and so fr?endsh?p.
we can walk?ng, runn?ng, play tenn?s, soccer, go mov?e, park or ........ together.
? dont want to gay or bad g?rl.
they dont wr?te me.
thank you for ?nterest ?t.

I thought it would be appropriate to start off this week's rundown with a foreign guy post because the city at the center of the self-proclaimed Historical Triangle evokes the spirit of outsiders venturing to the New World to make a life for themselves. Abraham here not only brought his special Turkish font-breaking technique to craigslist but also a particularly confusing set of phrases. Now, I don't grudge an ESL case for a few grammar slip ups, but someone really ought to answer Abraham's ad and start helping him with his English ASAP. What starts off as an innocuous "make friends/learn language" request takes a hard left turn for the incomprehensible and potentially creepy. What does it mean to "....... together"? Also, what verb fits in that penultimate phrase? Would it make the sentence more or less offensive?

Graveyards

looking for people to check out some graveyards.

I like how short and to the point this ad is, especially since it packs a lot of creepiness and mystery into such a small space. I'll admit that in a region as old as eastern Virginia (compared to the rest of the country at least) there are probably a lot of graveyards that are more historical and interesting than your average American bone pit, but that doesn't change the fact that this is a dude on craigslist who wants to visit random cemeteries with strangers. He doesn't even try to reassure readers that he's not some horribly unimaginative psychopath.

Looking for a fight

I have just wanted to get into a fight recently.
I am by no means a violent guy, I just have never really been in a fight. Any fight will do. Bring me to a bar, meet me somewhere, wherever.

Stupid idea that isn't going to end well. A craigslist classic. What really gets me about this ad is that the poster isn't even all that enthusiastic... not that he should be. Just like modern social mores teach girls to aspire to empty domesticity, they encourage boys to be macho and violent for no reason whatsoever. If you're like this guy and you think you're missing out on an essential life experience by never getting into fights, go ahead and punch yourself in the mouth. That's about as meaningful as interpersonal violence. The fact that you've never been in a fight means you've succeeded in solving your problems in healthier, more rational ways. Don't ruin that just because you've got an itch to be an alpha.