Hello, everybody! Come on down to Net Insanity Studios for another heart-stopping, jaw-dropping, potentially illegal round of What's Wrong With That Free Stuff?! It's the Internet's tenth favorite game show where we go to craigslist and peruse the Free Stuff section for the most questionable items and try to determine why their owners are willing to give them away for no cost whatsoever. We've got a particularly disturbing series of cheap as free garbage in the offing today, so let's dive right in and figure out What's Wrong With That Free Stuff.
Bird House
free old wood bird house
First off, we have this incredibly ugly, rotting, possibly incomplete bird house that someone has salvaged from their back yard or garage or creepy basement workshop to give to some unsuspecting individual on craigslist. This, like so many items in Free Stuff, has no earthly reason to escape a trash heap or bonfire. It's wood so it's biodegradable and it has obviously been put through more paces than any ornithological domicile ought to. Judging by the way the coloration behind the circular opening is the same as the cement on which the house sits, I'd say that this piece doesn't even have a back. Whoever wants to give this to another human being is the type of person who hasn't entirely evolved beyond the cat-like urge to exchange dead things for affection and approval.
Patio Table and 2 Chairs
Green painted metal.. wood needs refinishing.. first response gets it!
Speaking of dead things, I can't help but notice that this old deck chair is sitting on top of a giant, brownish-red splotch that looks a whole lot like oxidized blood. Anyone who can correctly guess what horrible dysfunction compelled the owner of the bird house to give it to a stranger will have the chance to double their winnings by divining what Stephen King nightmare was inflicted upon the last individual to ever sit in this patio chair.
Dog Kennel
Whatever it was, I'm sure that it had something to do with this "dog kennel" that was posted just below the chair ad. I'm not saying that this tall cage installed in somebody's disconcertingly immaculate basement away from all windows and time-telling devices couldn't possibly be an enclosure for a particularly large canine, just that craigslist is anonymous and completely lacks oversight until long after any crime the site unknowingly facilitated has been committed.
BAT MAN GLASSES
FREE BAT MAN GLASSES FROM MCDONALDS
EMAIL.
Anyone who can figure out whether or not the above kennel was used or is intended to be used for unsavory ends will be awarded this nifty toy from a kid's meal at a fast food restaurant. Sure, you could just go grab a Happy Meal and get a pair of Batman Glasses for yourself, but then you wouldn't be participating in what is obviously the punishment of a small child whose parents are cruel enough to give away his or her meager possessions as a penalty for bad behavior.
