Craigslist Files #48: The Free Stuff Game Show

Do you have an eye for horrible things that no one would ever want? Do you live your life on the Internet? Are you so starved for attention that you would gladly humiliate yourself in front of an untold number of strangers just so you could have a brief, unmemorable moment in an almost impossibly dim spotlight? Well now is your chance! It's time to play nobody's favorite game show, What's Wrong With That Free Stuff? The game is simple. We'll show you an ad from the craigslist Free Stuff page and you tell us what's so bad about it that its owners have resorted to the worst place on Earth to get rid of it. Answer correctly and you can win a (not so) fabulous prize!

Sofa set

 

Blue sofa set with white dots on it. It comes with a two seater and a three seater.

We just want it out of the house! It's in the basement and will need two people to move it.

Our first item today is a wretched pair of couches covered in tears and mystery stains. What's so horrible about this furniture that the owners have to hope that some unfortunate stranger will haul them away? Our blacklight-wielding chemist knows and now it's your chance to test your eye against his battery of complicated tests. How about those white spots? Semen? Baby vomit? Spilled bleach? How about non-specific animal damage? Contestants who answer correctly will win...

Hundreds of Hot Pants

I have a whole closet full of free Hot Pants. Short-shorts of all different colors and designs. One size fits all, except some. Call Tracey at (number) and come pick them up. Great for sexy team/club/lodge uniforms or just cutting up and re-sewing as longer shorts or even pants!

That's right, a truly unconscionable amount of Hot Pants. Some person with the disconcertingly gender-neutral name of Tracy has more Hot Pants than any other human being on the planet and he or she is ready to unload every last pair on you. Why does Tracy have so many pairs of what is objectively the most ridiculous item of clothing in the world? Why is Tracy getting rid of all of them now? I don't care! Neither should you!

U-HAUL for FREE: Two 1980's Hillcrest Trailers

FREE: Two 1980's model HILLCREST trailers.

Larger one is 3 bedroom, 2 bath; the other is 3 bedroom, 1 bath. Former government barracks. Covered from snow, rain, and elements. You provide truck and trailer to haul buildings.

Our next item on WWWTFS? is a pair of creepy, run-down trailers in the middle of freaking nowhere that the United States government no longer wants and apparently can't sell for any amount of money. So, what's wrong with these cheap horror movie sets in the making? Well, given the remote, disgusting, rural setting I'd say that murder is pretty high on the list, but it's a government facility so I'm not ruling out torture or some kind of unnatural experiment. If you have the stomach to find out, you can win the opportunity to...

Share Thanksgiving with me

I'm staying home this year and would love to share dinner with someone else. Kids are welcome and I can seat 6 at the table. One family or several singles or couples. All you need is the transporatation to my house.

Who would want to pass up the opportunity to have what is guaranteed to be a Thanksgiving that is somehow more awkward and depressing than the one you would spend with your own family? Come join a desperately lonely, middle-aged woman and twelve of her favorite cats as she unscrupulously invites anyone who will acknowledge her into her home to eat her food and try not to collapse under the immense emotional weight of her self-loathing.

Thanks for playing! See you next time on What's Wrong With That Free Stuff?