Craigslist Files #41: Fantasy Corner

Craigslist is a place where people can plant their weirdest, wildest, silliest fantasies and watch them either blossom into some kind of bizarre, meat-eating plant or wither and die like the unnatural abominations they are. As I've often tested and found to be true, it's also a place where people can be pranked into admitting their childish, screwed-up desires to someone who they assume shares their predilections. Today, we'll be looking at a few posts that run the gamut from completely fake to plausible, all that prey on the fantasies of Internet people.

Espionage Tradecraft

Ever wondered what it would be like to be a spy? Ever been a spy? If you answer yes to either of these questions, this group might be for you. The (city) Tradecraft Group is dedicated to the practice and development of espionage tradecraft. Whether you are already an experienced expert in the world of espionage or a novice interested in learning a few tricks of the trade, you are welcome to join this fun and collegial group.

Several decades ago, author Ian Fleming took the lemons of Cold War paranoia and made the suave, misogynistic lemonade of James Bond, forever fetishizing the dirty, covert dealings of world government. The truth about espionage is that it usually involves a very slow, very low-tech con job that ends in the acquisition of somebody else's boring-ass manila folder or an unceremonious death. The above poster is one of the sorry individuals who developed an impossible dream early in life and just never let go. Now, at best, a concentration of sorry individuals with the same impossible dream will huddle together in a basement trying to figure out a way to install a camera in a ballpoint pen, thus forever removing themselves from the genetic population.

vampire hunter

I need a certified vampire hunter immediately, I fear for my life everyday. There is someone in my presence who I suspect is a vampire. For non believers, you need not reply, as you are of no concern to me. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.. I will demand a copy of your certification, and will pay you $50 per hour for your time and investigations.

I know for a fact that this post is a gag because an acquaintance of mine responded to it. Of course, I find this deeply disappointing. The vampire is a myth that has so pervaded our culture that it's practically certain there's somebody out there who actually believes they're real. I would have relished the opportunity to con a crazy person out of several hundred dollars just so I could put "vampire hunter" on a resume. I do have to say that this fakepost is impressive in its mimicry. Note the small grammatical issues, like the lack of a hyphen between "non" and "believers", the labored intellectual tone, the double period after the all-caps sentence. This is top-notch forgery.

wearing a Fake Mustache while giving you oral

Would love to find a man 25-45, who would like to be the receiver of hot oral... While I wear a huge fake mustache. If this sounds like something you're into, drop me a e-mail...

I'm pretty sure this is fake, because as we know there are no real women on Casual Encounters. The ellipsis also implies a joke, like a person who hasn't quite figured out that comic timing actually ruins text-based humor more often than not. Still, this is the Internet. It's possible, however unlikely, that a woman with a very strange, very specific fetish has decided to take that plunge and that one lucky man acquired a unique story he may never tell to anyone in his entire life. I'd like to think so, readers, because I am nothing if not a font of hope and idealism.

Got a funny, stupid, or just plain weird craigslist ad in front of you? Send it in for Net Insanity's monthly Craigslist Files: Citizens Arrest contest.