Craigslist Files #31: Death Metal Edition

Finland: Earth's snow factory

It's time once again to travel to one of the more exotic craigslist sites. We've taken a look at the ugly but well-worded proclivities of merry old England and delved into the surprisingly shady dealings of Egypt. Today we're heading to Finland, the place from which both brutal heavy metal and cold weather itself hail. Thanks to the few but pervasive cultural imports from Finland, we Americans have something of a skewed view of the country. Just like Bjork, Sigur Ros and Lazytown have managed to paint Iceland as a surreal, bizarre, but ultimately gentle mescaline trip of a nation, the likes of Lordi and the Dudesons have led Americans to believe that Finland is nothing but a series of deeply troubled mountain towns that spew pure anguish into the world. If the Finland craigslist page is any indication, the real country is actually just a single, terminally boring city surrounded by painfully provincial fields.

Finland Activity Partners (the entire page)

Nothing found for that search ( All words must match ).

The Community section on craigslist Finland is pretty much empty. Nothing in Activities, Groups, Classes or events. I popped over to the General Community page, which on most other craigslist sites is a depository for spam and other reliable nonsense, but all I could find was a random collection of posts about tractors and fake work from home jobs. Then I discovered the following:

Free Stuff (Helsinki)

Any idea on what the best way is to give away furniture, computer, and washing machine (that needs repair)?

Thanks!!!

Finnish Guy #1 (in Finnish and/or broken English): Ya know what would be great?

Finnish Guy #2: What's that?

Finnish Guy #1: Some kind of computer-based method of communication that could facilitate a hypothetical compilation of job postings, personal ads, community events and small exchanges of goods and services.

Finnish Guy #2: You're right! Let's go make a hilariously oblivious post on craigslist to see if anyone has heard of such a system!

I was worried that Finns aren't aware of craigslist, but now I know that they just aren't aware of how to use it. Thankfully, the Old Faithful of craigslist, M4W, didn't disappoint, though it was still pretty sparse.

good time together (M4W)

I´m looking 4 no drama no long-term relationship just good time together for two good hearts.
Hot body, exotic & chocolate prick, race or oder in age is not a problem, boldly send your email, I am gentleman.
Could be Tonite, around 20:00 or later?
Be A Sexplorer! Safe&Dirty
Your Pic Will Get Mine.

See, Finland? That's what I'm talking about. Take your cues from this fellow here. He knows what a craigslist post is supposed to look like.

Chicago Male Seeks Open Minded Female Visitor (M4W)- 47- (Downtown Chicago)

Chicago male would like to invite an open minded hedonistically inclined nordic woman between 25 and 45 to occupy a northside Chicago condominium if visiting Chicago for holiday or vacation as a part-time live-in lover. Woman should be slim and shapely with extra points for being under 6'. If intrigued by this arrangement then please send a pic of you and your email contact information and a brief statement as to why this arrangement would suit you at this time in your life. Please tell when you think you may be visiting Chicago.

By far my favorite part about craigslist Finland is that it is the preferred place for white supremacists in America to search for their ideal mail-order brides. This creep from Chicago is just one of many "Nordic" fetishists trying to entice an Aryan female to embrace our dirty melting pot of a nation. And remember what Fox News told us about the Scandinavians, they're a pure race.