In my endeavor to go ever-deeper into craigslist I have taken to trolling listings from outside of my own country's borders. My last trip to an exotic CL page brought me to jolly, creepy England where I discovered that all of those stereotypes about Brits being more well-spoken and polite are actually true, even if their desires are no less ugly than our own. I've hesitated to dive into the pages for non-Anglophone regions for fear that people outside of America gasp don't speak English. But then I remembered that, if craigslist is any indication, there are plenty of Americans who don't speak English, either. So, I decided to make my way into the listings from a country that is supposedly very different from the US of A.

Craigslist is a perfect example of geometric growth. It starts off negligibly small and grows only according to its limited boundaries, but as it gets larger its growth becomes more noticeable until it's nothing but a morbid, lumbering beast. So, it only makes sense that a number of craigslist's non-US sites are disproportionately small compared to the countries they represent. Take Egypt, for example. At nearly 400,000 square miles and a population of 76 million, Egypt is nothing to sneeze at. Yet, for such a large country it has a craigslist page less dense than even one small American city. Of course, I doubt the Internet has saturated Egypt as much as the US, but it still seems a little light. It's my suspicion that Egyptians don't even use the tiny site they have, though it may grow. Observe:

Personal Assist (Northwest Houston)

Looking for Tall handsome lad 18-25 to assist me around the office. Can be slim or muscular .Will require some traveling and evening events. Please send photos with reply. Must have good driving record, computer skills, good verbal and written communication skills. There is some companioship and evening required.. Please appy as soon as possible must fill position lots of events comming up. Also must be at least 6 feet tall and dress well. Please be in shape or carry your weight very well. Hurry

Now, out of journalistic integrity and cultural open-mindedness, I researched whether or not there is some obscure city in Egypt spelled "Houston". No. No, there is not. This thrills me to no end because there are two possible reasons for this post on the Egypt site. The first (and sadly more likely) possibility is that an Egyptian immigrant didn't understand how to use craigslist and chose his country of origin, not the page for where he currently lives. The other possibility is that there is a secret network of shadow-craigslists in which people request potentially illegal services (like a secretary prostitute) using obscure foreign codes. Egypt is Texas. Indonesia is New Jersey. That would be a new level of awesome.

Fat Cow .... - w4m - 47 (Al Qahirah)

.... is looking for strong, hot, older bull for some animalistic fun.

Ah, but it is good to see that the taint that is a more traditional use of craigslist spreads to other lands. Unless, of course, there is some nuance in Egyptian culture that identifies fat cows as being a desirable metaphor for a middle aged lover. We should also note that the Egyptian craigslist has yet to adopt the spam-bot, but it's only a matter of time.

Visiting Egypt - w4m - 34 (Cairo)

Israeli woman visiting Egypt on vacation in middle July. Interested to get together with local guys. Preferebly18-25.

As far as Arab countries go, Egypt is fairly soft on Israel. Then again, that's like saying "the linebacker is one guy on the football team who doesn't try to kick the nerd's ass every day after lunch, but he still laughs when it happens". I sincerely doubt that even an army-hardened Israeli woman would find the locals amicable. I dunno, maybe she's one of those chicks who dig danger.

Thanks for joining me on this tour through Egypt's craigslist page. As-Salaamu Alaikum.