American culture is really freaking quirky, we Americans just tend not to notice because we're acclimatized to the nonsense. Consider our obsession with houses. There are several layers of crazy in American suburbanism and most of them have to do with the mythologizing of housing at every step in the process of acquiring and living in the suburbs. Even the image of the real estate agent has been turned into a sort of living cartoon: A secret ball-buster in a gem-colored blazer selling lies and misdirections with boundless enthusiasm and air freshener that smells like cookies. In reality, being a real estate agent for the majority of the housing options in America must be terrible. I'm sure there's a degree of glamor in being an agent for rich-people properties, but how truly stressful could it be to sell gorgeous, opulent property to people who are defined by their will and ability to buy things? But the other 99% of real estate agents selling the other 99% of the country's property to the other 99% of the country's people live an uphill battle. Most homes are not attractive, so the agents that sell them have to get creative. Unfortunately, they aren't marketing professionals and it shows. Observe, the craigslist Real Estate For Sale section.
Simply Bootiful
We Have One Freakishly Fabulous 3 Bed/2 Bath That's Sure To Send You Into A Frenzy!
Last One Available!
Don't Miss Out On This Killer Price!
Reserve It Today!
Today's header image comes from, of all places, an ad for a house on craigslist. I can't decide what's more depressing: The possibility that the real estate agent selected a "fun" but completely unrelated image to sell his or her house or the possibility that the agent spent time creating an original and completely unrelated image for the same purpose. Either way, this sales pitch is daffy. Nobody wants to a buy a house because it seems adorable and fun, and they definitely don't want to see the word "killer" in the sales copy. A note to all amateur marketing people: Just because it's October does not mean you have to turn everything into Halloween. A fleeting holiday for children and single people does not make a person want to sign an expensive, long-term commitment.
2br - 900ft² - top floor fit for royalty! Beautiful NEW CARPET!
Located on a 2nd floor... Charming remodeled 2bd 2 bath... Available today for you to see and move
into immediately...
Have fun everyday in the newly remodeled cabana with an indoor/outdoor heated pool that is open
year round. The media room that has a large flat screen TV, cable and WiFi. The fitness center has
New equipment and a flat screen TV and cable. And don't forget the sports court, too! Hurry in and
don't miss out on this opportunity to live here!
Let's take a step back, shall we? People have no sense of humor about house hunting and they really shouldn't. Calling a boring, lower middle class home "fit for royalty" is just insulting, unless you're talking about royalty from a destitute country no one has ever heard of. Just because people are poor doesn't mean they're stupid. Also, if you spend more time talking about your subdivision's communal space than the home itself, perhaps you should consider being more honest about the modesty of your product.
$350000 / 3br - 1360ft² - ___Attractive Home w/Lots of Potential!
On a corner lot, this home was used as an adult home. Quiet neighborhood, fenced back yard, great
for entertaining, new kitchen, stove/oven, and dishwasher. New refrigerator is negotiable. Has
back-up generator and electric outlet has been installed, accessible to bus lines, 5 year old
roof, double pain windows and sliding door.
3 Bedrooms 1.5 Baths 1,360 sqft on a .229 acre lot
Is this what you've been looking for?
Bless 'em for trying. I can easily envision a ragged real estate agent covered in flopsweat and trying to hide a conspicuous carpet stain while saying, "Uh... it has lots of potential!" Really, I sympathize with the agent's plight. He or she is attempting to sell a used group home with a dead lawn, an ugly fence and I assure you readers a thoroughly depressing, quasi-institutional interior. And at a terrible price to boot. I know it's probably a simple typo, but I can't help but see a Freudian slip in "double pain windows". It's tough being the other 99. It's ever tougher to sell homes to them.
Printer-friendly version