So, I was just gonna do an article about another hilariously obvious Internet scam today, but then I saw my unusually busy comments section and decided to rekindle my passion for a pastime of my arrogant youth. Namely, poking angry, stupid things with a proverbial stick. Recently I wrote a couple of articles on this very site, a humor blog that makes no pretense of journalistic integrity whatsoever, that drew the ire of what I'm assuming is a grand total of two people, one of whom is engaging in the time-honored Internet tradition of pretending to be several people at once so the mean man on the website will feel bad for writing mean things about him with his mean words.

In the latter case, I'm naturally talking about my new favorite Internet fantasist, Bobby Convict. Feel free to read his Stars of the Internet entry to learn all about his amazing and totally not made up on the fly story of being the most bad-ass coke dealer on the planet. In the past week, Net Insanity has received four comments about that article, most of which have at least attempted to come out in Bobby's defense. The only one that I'm willing to swallow my pride on, at least sort of, is the comment describing the potential effects of cocaine on ADHD. I guess I'm going to have to take that crayon-scrawled MD certification off my wall now, lest people accidentally start consulting an Internet humorist about medical treatments.

The rest of the Bobby Convict comments are mostly failed attempts to provide Google-aided evidence of Bobby's story. So far, the only link that has turned up any potentially worthwhile results in a scan of an article from The Spokesman Review, a Spokane-based newspaper. Sure enough, it's the story of a drug dealer named Robert, but aside from a straining but tasteful description of a hick hitting a DEA agent with his car, nothing else in the article really supports Bobby's long, rambling story.

Our anonymous fact-checker (who just happens to remember a 1988 article from a newspaper that was, at the time, at least 50% coupons and who is in no way related to Bobby Convict, let alone Bobby himself) seems to have garnered the support of several more anonymous Internet researchers. Unfortunately, the best they could do is link me to a business profile search engine that is supposed to link me to one of Bobby's swingin' night clubs but can't seem to do much more than direct me to a Wikipedia article about Hogan's Heroes. Sorry, Bobby. You're gonna have to try harder if you really want an earnest retraction. Maybe you could send a video from the Associated Press of you riding a custom Harley with two stone-cold foxes in bikinis while you have a moving uzi fight with the entire Tokyo Yakuza then high-fiving Jesus while doing a wheelie.

The other top-notch comment from the past week came in the form of another anonymous so-and-so who had this to say about my Sarah Palin comments in my last article:

"Palin left office because it was costing her state money to keep up with all the defamation of character suits that they had to deal with because of ass hole liberal media.  The media is the biggest problem here and your reasoning of her leaving for other reasons only shows your lack of education and/or research.  No, I didn't vote for Palin (nor Obama for that matter) so it's not some radical standing up for her.  Frustration at your ignorance perhaps."

Unlike my deconstruction of Bobby Convict, I'll own up to this one with candor and humility. You're right, Mr. Commenter. We here at the Liberal Media Conspiracy have made it our business for the past year and a half to sap the resources of Alaska using the little-known Vague State-Funded Lawsuit clause of the US Constitution. This has been just one move in the complex chess game we've been playing with the freedoms of American people in a bid to turn our country into a dystopia of godless but somehow still Jewish, pot-smoking homosexual abortionists. We've also gone to great lengths to cover up the fact that it was Sarah Palin and not John McCain who ran against Barack Obama in the 2008 Presidential election. So, thank you, commenter for showing me the error of my ways.

Flame away, you crazy kids. It gets cold in this void.