Disappointment is as inherent to craigslist as heat is to fire. Nobody on the LTR pages turns out to be what they say they are, nobody ever finds who they're looking for on Missed Connections, the free stuff from Free Stuff (shockingly) turns out to be pretty crappy. So deep are the roots of disappointment on craigslist that even those looking to mock its posts are not immune. The following are some of the most disappointing posts I've ever been compelled to make fun of.

What's Going On

Hi, I'm looking for something to do tomorrow. I just flew in today and I'm meeting friends here, but they don't get in until Tuesday. Just want to know what's going on that I'd be welcome to come to. Looking for something fun.
By the way I'm a 21 year old underwear model, but still a virgin

See, this is what I'm talking about. I mean, I'd never believe that a 21-year-old underwear model virgin who just loves having vague "fun" with total strangers from the Internet actually even exists, but at least most of the others give it the old college try. This pitch is just pathetic. It's like calling a random stranger on the phone, telling them in a bored monotone that they need to give you all of their money for some non-specific "project" and then following it all up with, "Oh, and by the way, I'm totally Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior, or whatever."

Pickup-Artist Group

If you are not famailir with the "community" watch or google VH1's show The Pickup Artist.
This is for people who are already in the community or looking to get into it. Im looking to start a small group to go out "sarging" at malls, clubs, etc. maybe about once a weekend. Males and females can apply. About myself I am single 25 year old male. Looking for people 35 and under. I have been practicing the game since about NOV 2008. Please email me details such as:
age
gender
experience level in the community
what days you are available

You know what would be a lot faster and easier to say? "Hi. I'm a complete asshole who imitates crap I see on TV. Have sex with me?" If only this guy had given a specific email address instead of going the CL anonymous route, I could have posted it on this blog and had you readers flood him with convincing fakes. Now my only consolation is that this guy will either end up alone or surrounded by creepy middle-aged guys hitting on teenagers at the mall. Funny, but not prank funny.

Calling AOH Brothers

If you are a member of the Ancient Order of Hibernians, as am I, then please respond to this post. I am looking for any fellow brothers in the (city) area.

You people have no idea how deflated I was when I found out that the Ancient Order of Hibernians is just some lame Irish Catholic organization and not a secret club of delusional idiots who believe that human beings can achieve transcendence by sleeping through the winter months. If there's one thing worse than abject insanity, it's the terminal boredom of mainstream culture. I looked up the AOH and they're like the lame version of the Shriners, and Shriners are some of the lamest people on Earth.

Who made you;Church of Christ

HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP
NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED
GOOD runing car donated so linda can find Job , this is no drill this is the real thing , Quickly go home look through your rolladex find the most coolist people you know and do what God told you to do and help others. linda is loosing her dignaty and self worth and so am I , will trade for labor , Mr Fix-it, (phone number) . Rudy.

Ah, I can always count on borderline-mentally-disabled Christians to give me what I need. Take notes, the rest of you idiots on craigslist. The above is the level of ludicrous, non-traditional thinking you need to achieve in order to be properly mocked. Rudy here put more effort into the words HELP and NEED than the rest of you put into your entire posts. He's got it all. Horrible spelling, no semblance of grammar, a vague grasp on religion, reference to people none of us could possibly know. He even put his phone number on the Internet. Rudy's a gem. The rest of you can go hit the showers.