The Craigslist Files: An Open Letter About Hookers
wants babies to never know joy
Today is a dark day for Internet humorists who do weekly columns about craigslist. Because he apparently has nothing better to do, Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal has stood at the front of an ever-longer line of people who want that most popular and least venerable of online classifieds sites to shut down its Erotic Services section. He announced today that ES will be replaced by a section in which all ads will be reviewed by craigslist employees before being officially posted. The people over at craigslist confirmed this and said that the process of transition will begin in seven days time.
The new section will be called "Adult Services" and it is going to be the most boring thing on the entire website. Obviously, Blumenthal and his cronies have no idea what they're doing. Don't they know what craigslist is really about? So, I'm now going to address AG Blumenthal directly.
Alright, Dick, here's the score. I know you've got a jones for law and decency, but there's a harsh lesson you've got to learn. The Internet is a place where neither of those things have any meaning. It is nothing if not a living museum of human failure. I, humbly, have posited myself as a docent in that museum. What you and your allies in this fight against Erotic Services are doing is essentially going into the museum and replacing the fine art with college dorm room posters.
Have you ever actually read the ads in Erotic Services, Dick? I highly doubt it. If you had taken the time to appreciate the very thing you seek to destroy, you would see that it is the most hilarious collection of words and images on the planet Earth. Would you deprive future generations of their laughter just so you can claim a temporary victory over so-called "human trafficking"? Take away the hookers from craigslist and you are robbing a billion babies of their laughter, Mr. Blumenthal.
Because you are a man of law, I have brought evidence of my claims. Without further ado, Exhibit A:
LOOKING FOUR FUN INcall MY PL - m4w - 45
Hi I m looking for a good time right know I'm single and free would love to have a Woman with a nice touch. I'LL give the best time you ever dream off only fiftty hh one hundred full I like big breast and sweet perfum so if youi got the cash and feeling lonely and need company I;m right here 24/7 Baby call me Adrian (phone number) and let's get on my place is safe and quiet so call me ASAP I'll be waiting''all Donnation is for our time together no block calls please
That's right, Dick. In your moralistic fervor, you forgot that craigslist is not only home to damaged women willing to exploit themselves, but also men who are so stupid that every morning is a struggle to don socks without inviting an accidental head injury. Removing Erotic Services would keep the world from ever knowing the cartoonish idiocy of guys like Adrian.
So, you see, Mr. Blumenthal, I don't want to support illegal or dangerous activity. I don't want innocent people to get hurt and I don't want to see children exploited. I just want the world to have as much laughter as possible. We need craigslist Erotic Services so we still have something to do on a Saturday night. No, I don't mean employing prostitutes. I mean sitting around with friends laughing at a 300-pound middle-aged woman sporting a mermaid outfit and offering "tunNs of FuN!!!" for a mere $200 an hour.
As a man who has spent many months applying his professional analysis to this material, I urge you Attorney General Blumenthal to reverse your position on Erotic Services. The world will only be an emptier, more hollow place if you force Craig to remove ES from his list.
With the utmost sincerity,
-Michael Sarko of Net Insanity
