Mad Libs: Internet Addition

Sometimes the stupid crap on the Internet, aka "Everything except this blog", isn't the result of mental illness. Well, not exclusively the result of mental illness. Every now and then I come across a site that is less like the fevered imaginations of several Agent Orange test subjects tossed into a blender, but rather like some sort of fly paper dusted with a pheromone that scares away rational thought. None of the contents of these sites are original or even linked in any meaningful way, they're just half-random combinations of things the site creators find disagreeable.

Take, for example, Warning From God. Sure, it's certifiable just like any sci-fi/fringe religion website out there and it has all the usual warning signs, but it lacks the outside-of-the-schizophrenia-box thinking that has produced other sites I've covered here. Whereas many sites of this variety are created by people with idiotic but unique ideas like developing a new, imaginary Jesus-math or selling creepy picture books about child psychics, WFG puts together a wall of multi-colored text the way socially inept cartoonists put together manga plots.

The premise of WFG is that Satanists from another planet have been influencing human society for countless years. Well, not countless years, seeing as creator Shawn Riddick is the type of person who takes Young Earth Creationism as a given. Riddick has basically made a digital goulash of childish obsessions; Army men, Christianity sans theological nuance, evil space men and government conspiracies.

I'll admit, I can't tell whether Shawn Riddick is a man or a woman. S/he proffers a photo at the bottom of the page, but s/he looks like a classic juicer and is hidden behind sun glasses. Regardless, WFG seems to be Riddick's hobby in between driving a truck from place to place for the Carfu Transport Company. One might think that all the time Riddick spends on the lonely road would give him/her time to indulge his/her budding delusions in a more original way. Alien Satanists in league with American politicians hastening the 2012 Apocalypse? It sounds like a Mad Lib of crazy idiot stereotypes. Just fill out the following diagram:

Noun+Descriptor in league with Entity Based On A Vague Understanding Of A Real Thing single-mindedly pursuing Disaster From A Grab Bag Of Disasters.

I've taken the liberty of creating my own Warning From God Equation. Observe:

Robot Communists in league with Wall Street Stock Traders single-mindedly pursuing The Total Realization Of The Gay Agenda.

I encourage all of you readers to make your own Warning From God Equations and post them in our comments section.

Amount of Time Likely to be Wasted: The page is disappointingly short for a wall of crazy-text, so the site itself might only take up five or ten minutes. The potential of the WFG Equation opens up hours of fun, though.

Likelihood to Result in Arrest in Real Life: Likely, but not highly so. A steroid-fueled military obsessive like Riddick fetishizes violence. It's only a matter of time before s/he busts somebody's head open.

MCDR: Read the works of an educated political mind like Fareed Zakaria or something.

Internet Depth by Preposition: In. This is just the hobby of a mentally unstable trucker. It is neither transcendent nor worthy of outright dismissal.