Twenty freaking weeks. That's five months. Five months of my life... gone. Five months of looking at ads on craigslist. I feel like the naive midwesterner who arrives in Los Angeles trying to make it big in the movies, only to find that everyone around him is a frightening combination of crazy and pathetic. I don't understand them and I disapprove of their very lifestyle, but given time and so much immersion, it's practically inevitable that my perceptions of the world will become forever poisoned by their toxic influence. It's possible I've even come to understand the craigslist poster, not unlike how a psychological clinician comes to understand his schizophrenic patients. I can read these ads and translate them into sane-person terms. Of course, the result rarely makes any more sense than that Chinese translation of the last Star Wars movie.

Help writting a Research Paper

Hello everyone,
It has been years since I have had to write a research paper and I was given one to write so here I am needing help now. I need someone to tag team with me between the two of use I think we can get it done. I will tell you the topic once you email me with your interest. I just need some support. It has to be 10-15 pages double spaced and a certain format. I need help getting my information onto paper into words! If you have exp. in writting research papers (good ones) than please please email me I need to get it done THIS WEEKEND!! Thank you

Translation: The American education system is hopelessly broken and I am the proof. Through some confluence of loopholes and educator apathy, I was permitted to advance far enough in an arbitrary system of grade levels and degrees to enter the stage in which 15-page research papers are actual assignments and not just things my instructors use to scare people like me away from higher education. Please be yet another in a long procession of stepping stones toward a degree for which I am dangerously under-qualified. Thank you.

what are the facts of ,god, moses,jesus? (the bible belt)

what are the facts of ,god, moses,jesus?
THERE ARE NONE, OPPPS FORGOT THE TALKING SNAKE

Translation: There comes a time in any society capable of producing rational people to not only examine the philosophical worth of religious myth, but also to make a distinction between the educated skeptic and the childish contrarian. I am obviously of the latter variety. May my very presence in this world serve as a warning that ignorance exists on both sides of any debate.

Love my thickness- 37

divorced. 3 kids 18, 17, 13. living in maryland, coming home in may career student, part time substitute teacher. i love funny people. loyal to a fault. gained 50 pounds in the last five years, very self conscious. trying to lose the weight and the self conscious part. i miss my friends!

Translation: I am a living stereotype of Internet dating, minus any ability to lie or be creative in the description of my many undesirable qualities. Also, I am missing the part of my brain that distinguishes between enticing language and phrases that are instantly hilarious, thus my post's title. Finally, I sometimes forget what I'm talking about by the time I finish talking.

Here's to five more interminable months of wading through this dreck for your entertainment. On an unrelated note, if any major publication or website has an opening for a humor writer, I may know a guy...