The name of this blog is Net Insanity, but I mostly write about stuff that is simply stupid or inane. It's high time I focus on something that actually is the product of waning mental health. It's not that there's a lack of this kind of material online. Quite the opposite, actually. This is really more an indication of my own limits as a writer. There are only so many ways to point and laugh (with not just a little unease) at the rantings of someone who really ought to be medicated. Sure, much of what's out there only sounds insane until you realize it's just a scam designed to dupe idiots out of significant amounts of money. But every now and then, a website pops up that is so incoherent, so ugly, so irrevocably warped that not even the most imbecilic surfers would open their wallets for it. While basing a business on the premise that stupid people will and often do pay for less than nothing is the most sure-fire road to riches, altering that premise to replace the stupid with the insane is a one-way ticket to the poorhouse. Truly crazy people don't have much money to spend and they're certainly too paranoid of giving out personal information to click a Paypal button.

So, it is with great pleasure and icky goosebumps that I present today's entry, Time Cube. The mutated brainchild of "Dr." Gene Ray, a grammatically-challenged individual who, at my best guess, operates out of the South Pacific region of Tokelau. At least that's where he has his image hosting. He's not an islander, though. His pictures of himself reveal him to be an old, disconcertingly normal-looking person, like a grandpa who secretly runs one of the most baffling websites on the Internet. The basic idea behind Time Cube is Ray's theory that the time people have observed as being one day actually takes place over the course of four days. He goes about proving this with two very long pages of giant, multi-colored text and an occasional diagram, none of which make a lick of sense.

All the same, I wish there was a pill I could take to make me think in wildly nonsensical patterns like Gene Ray. He makes amazing statements like "No Santa- no Christmas" and "Teaching that a Cube has '6 sides' with no top & bottom, induces an evil curse that pervades all academic institutions." See, the reason Time Cube can be set apart from obvious scams is that it's plain to see how Ray grabbed hold of a seemingly logical idea and then extrapolated it to schizophrenic proportions. He fuels his madness with flawed but nearly reasonable ideas like "People are created by the combination of opposites" which brings him to decry sexism, then he lights a fuse underneath this mindset and sends it careening into the ocean like a Taepodong.

What results are thousands of words strung together with the duct tape and rubber cement of the Internet, antisemitism and pseudo-science. You'll excuse me if I'm far from fluent in this particular dialect of Crazy, but all I could gather from Time Cube is that the very concept of the number One is incorrect and that it's a lie perpetuated by a conspiracy between the academic establishment and Western religion beginning with the biblical book of Genesis and made popular by Jesus and his Evil Jew father. This theory is somehow proven by claiming that -1x-1= -1 and that the word "singularity" is synonymous with "oneness".

Amount of Time Likely to be Wasted: Well, let's see here. If there are actually four simultaneous days taking place at any given time and there are 24 hours in a single day, with 60 minutes per hour, and you and your friends are white and therefore deserve to be hacked apart by the black race for believing in the singularity of an evil Jewish Santa...

Likelihood to Result in Arrest in Real Life: Does forced commitment to a mental institution count as arrest?

MCDR: I dunno. Go read a book by Neil deGrasse Tyson and bask in the subtle glow of an accredited scientist who isn't stupid or at all crazy.

Internet Depth by Preposition: Of. The Internet attracts a certain kind of insanity. Much of it is science-minded, even if the actual science is wrong in every conceivable way. This kind of crazy outnumbers the combined site count for religious idiocy, racism and cat-worship on the Web. It may not have been born here, but man does it thrive.