Deep down in the rusty, iron cockles of my wasted heart resides a glimmer of hope despite the things I've seen. As in most cases, this hope does nothing but blind me to the realities of the world in which I live. See, I honestly believed that no one would take this post seriously. I mostly expected it to get flagged and removed within minutes of being posted. Oh, how wrong I was. What ensued was a torrent of emails to my puppet account, most of which came from guys who, despite everything, still thought they were writing to a real girl. To demonstrate:

dojima

Hello there Mai!!  How does this evening find you?  Good I hope, but then again how good could you be trapped in the clutches of a sentient robot of gargantuan size...  I am Ryotaro Dojima, a first class detective and I would be more than happy to save you from the clutches of the robot.  Mind bending adventures into archaic evil are totally things that I look for to do in my free time as well.  I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, Dojima

How do I know this is a real, serious person? Well, he included the following picture.

Sex-ay. It's times like these that I'm glad craigslist offers absolutely no protection to people who just send pictures of themselves willy-nilly. So, I present to you now, a cavalcade of people who send pictures of themselves over the Internet willy-nilly. I'm gonna say it again 'cuz it's fun. Willy-nilly.

OK. This charming fellow sent this extremely douchey pic along with a rambling email that thought it was the funniest thing since Sammy Davis Jr. started telling Jew jokes. There was some nonsense about Vietnam and LSD, then some half-hearted attempt at an anime jibe. But really, the best joke in this whole email is the attached picture. I mean, it takes real effort to make one's self look that stupid. I can just imagine this kid sitting at home thinking, "Yeah. I can't do it now, but when I get to college I'm gonna dress like the guys in My Chemical Romance. Every. Single. Day." But he's not the only one going outside looking like he shouldn't.

Take this next fellow. For those of you who can't see the image on his t-shirt, it is indeed a side-by-side of a monkey examining the scent of its own posterior along with the words "scratch and sniff". Yep. This is the picture this guy is sending out to all the lady(ies) on craigslist. I've never been more thankful for stupid, tasteless t-shirts. I used to think they were just crass and unfunny, but now I realize that they're markers alerting the rest of the world to failed DNA.

I received dozens of emails from this one post and only about three total were spam. The rest came from genuine human beings. I'll admit, I did receive a few that understood it was 100% a fake post. I'm hoping to even get the thing nominated for the Best of Craigslist page. Out of all the emails and images I received, the following is, and shall forever be, my favorite.

ak smile Readers, I present to you, AK Smile. This guy, according to the time stamp, has been using this picture for all of his romantic endeavors for two solid years. It's possible this is the picture he uses for every situation. It's on his business card, it's in his mother's wallet, it is every single postcard he has ever sent. I love this picture so much that I am adopting it as the new Net Insanity mascot. It will be our seal of approval, the banner we wave in flame wars, the image we send in fake posts. Thank you, AK Smile. Thank you for everything.