Those of us who grew up in the United States of America have been raised on an educational curriculum that just assumes that a government by and for the people it governs is a good thing. Sure, it all sounds rosy on paper. Everybody loves freedom, happiness, being heard and being compensated. All the same, I'm pretty certain that if the founding fathers had been given five minutes with craigslist they'd have written the following letter to King George:  

Our Great and Wise Sovereign, On the occasion of His Majesty's most momentous birthday, the good and humble people of Great Britain's colonies in the New World conspired to compose a document that would most surely fill the Royal Court with uproarious laughter. Regrettably, our inferior colonial calenders indicated His Majesty's birthday as taking place in July when it rightly takes place in June, so our little joke found its way into your blessed hands at a time when it would not be recognized as the playful jest that it was. To think, independence and representation for the people of the colonies! We are all of us laughing even now. For the love of the Almighty and all that is holy on His earth, let us remain under your benevolent rule for eternity, -Your Humble Subjects in America

Craigslist is indeed the most democratic place on the Internet, which explains why so much of it is full of the inexplicable stupidity usually reserved for movies starring Larry the Cable Guy. Unlike so many other clearly insane things on the web, craigslist replenishes its ridiculousness several times a minute by feeding on the local insanity of every major city in the world. This is why I must spend every Wednesday digging through its muck to expose the very worst that site has to offer. Possibly, my sacrifice might result in an alteration of craigslist's policies so this horrible content no longer has to spill forth on a daily basis. Possibly, but likely not. All of the following transcripts are unedited posts found on craigslist. Because all cragislist ads have a mercifully short lifespan, it would be impractical to include links, but I assure you that all of this is 100% real.  

Womens bull

why is that all of the fat overweight or just ugly women come on craigslist looking for sex or ltr then wont post a pic. or they want a man or a woman to lick their f ing hole without one i have be reading post like this for months now who in their right mind would want to lick a sick fat ugly womans hole when they cannot even take care of them selvesi am not the greatest speller and for this i am sorry but if you woman want a woman or a man they maybe you should post a pic or just say i am fat ugly and lazy dont care what i look like or smell like and maybe their will be a gross sick person out their that will service you

I suppose I shouldn't be astounded that the only thing for which this individual feels compelled to apologize is his spelling. Ironically, his spelling really isn't half bad, especially considering his chosen medium. Otherwise, this one really hits most of the major Internet stupidity categories. It uses zero punctuation, imagines itself to be thought-out and it manages to assume a level of moral superiority in what is actually a thoroughly repugnant sentiment. Best of all, this poster seems profoundly confused. What is it he wants? Is he upset that he can't find a woman he thinks is attractive on craigslist? If so, he needs to check his syntax because it reads more like a man who desperately wants to see more pictures of fat, ugly women demanding oral sex. Then again, this is the Internet.  

Laid off?

Looking for stories from laid-off workers who are wondering how to put their best foot forward and successfully market themselves to future employers. This is for an article to be published on a local jobs site. No pay, but you get to vent, and you'll get some great advice!

"Hey, guys! I HAVE A JOB writing for an employment agency website. Ya know, like the ones you go to every single day in the hopes of finding even the most measly scrap of labor, if not for the money then at least for your dignity. So, if you'd all just be dears and help me do research for MY JOB about how you've been screwed by this awful economy that, frankly, has been absolute gangbusters for me, that'd be just peachy. Also, I have no intention of compensating you for your time even though I'm totally going to get paid for this. Toodles!"

Good Conversation is an Elusive Mist

You know when you're in the midst of a good conversation. You can see it all around you, and it blocks out the rest of the world except for the most blaring intrusions. Yet it's something that finds you at the right time, not something you can go out and successfully find (usually). And, it's also impossible to hold on to longer than it's mean to be around. That being said, if you are highly intelligent, ambitious, charming, aggressive, ambitious, and have some time to exchange words to pass the time in the day, email me. Who are you?

I have no freaking clue. After reading that, I'm not sure I even know where I live anymore. Ya know, like when you want something but then it turns out that wanting is just a thing and you can't really grasp it like it's sunlight? Or like if you really just want to have some meaning in your existence but the only way to attain meaning is to reach for the stars and manage to dream the impossible fantasy like a cloud or a spark from a bare wheel well? Like the above poster, if you've got what I need then please, email me. I am a starving child and the only thing that sustains me is ridiculousness from the Internet. sarko.michael@gmail.com