RubMaps: Can We Please Just Legalize Prostitution Already?

Ron Paul is a crazy, little gremlin who says increasingly nonsensical things the longer you let him talk, but like Sigmund Freud he's rather incisive in the early going. Recently he became the first nationally recognized politician to actually promote a grown-up, reasonable argument for the legalization of not just marijuana, but all illicit drugs. The gist of his position is that legalizing something won't suddenly and inexplicably make a large number of people do it. The people who would do legal heroin, Paul reasons, overlap considerably with the people who would do illegal heroin. Likewise, the people who choose not to do heroin today likely avoid it for reasons other than its legality. This argument can easily extend to the topic of prostitution in America. If the Internet has taught us anything, it's that the world's oldest profession is alive and well in the most modern technology we have. It's not going away and it's not getting any "better". Prostitution in the United States is as creepy and unpleasant as it's always been, precisely because it's illegal. Taking some time off my usual method of ragging on craigslist for being the center of shameless human trafficking on the Internet, I decided to turn my attention to the more bold but also more pathetic RubMaps.

RubMaps is, rather plainly, a review site for massage parlors that ostensibly provide sexual services. Their tagline is, after all, "find your happy ending". Unlike the usual, half-assed obfuscation of prostitution content on the Internet, RubMaps just comes out and says what it is. It's not illegal, strictly speaking, to talk about paying for sexual services at a massage parlor because you're not technically advertising those services, at least not directly. At worst, RubMaps could be charged with libel, as it's plainly stating that certain establishments, or possibly just certain employees within those establishments, commit illegal acts.

But the mere topic of prostitution isn't what makes RubMaps horrible. Remove the criminal and the immoral aspects from it, there's nothing inherently ugly about what basically amounts to a Yelp clone for sexual services. If the people who run and participate in RubMaps were respectable about it, it wouldn't even be worth mentioning. They aren't respectable, though. They're the same skeezy jerks who give all johns a bad rap. There's been enough progress in the sex-positive movement to promote the idea of the decent, mature prostitution customer, the guy who is as respectful of his whore as he is of his barber, but that fellow is still very much in the shadows.

No, the folks who maintain and use RubMaps tend to fall on the abhorrent side of the john spectrum. That's what you get when your website formalizes referencing a woman's pubic hair as her "kitty" and you practically beg your users to type out their almost certainly fictional "experiences" in the review. In the end, it's a childish and off-putting exercise that puts a fine point on the silliness of the clandestine sex work culture of our society. As always, pushing something to the shadows only makes it the purview of those who lurk there by default.


Amount of Time Likely to Be Wasted: I'll give this one a half hour. The initial shock and amusement of the format is worth five or ten minutes, but the customer reviews and precipitous arguments in the comments are worth a longer stay.

Likelihood to Result in Arrest in Real Life: High. Something tells me that cops keep info like this stockpiled in case they get bored and just wanna arrest somebody who won't fight back.

MCDR: Check out the Sex Workers' Project website to get fuel for a reasonable discussion about prostitution.

Internet Depth by Preposition: In. RubMaps needs brick-and-mortar businesses in order to function, but it couldn't exist outside the Internet, at least not for very long.


Lard ferndell's picture

Lard ferndell

HAHA. Very thoughtful. Yes I have checked out this site and the same thing did occur to me: that the reviewers were bs'ng in large part, and that why wouldn't cops - apparently all finished with chasing DUI's, the Crips and the Madoffs of the world - be checking all this out as well. And all this coupled with Gov. Jerry Brown (!?) signing an anti-massage parlor sex bill makes the ol' massage parlor trek a bit dicey for all concerned. 


kj's picture


RubMaps is funny and accurate. I personally don't care if prostitution is legalized or not simply because either way you can get what you want and/or need. I may be off the mark but i just don't get why sex is perceived as seedy or illegal. Is a drunken bar slut "better" than a prostitute? Getting her drinks paid for all night. Who's to say. I think maybe a small part of all of the negative attitude toward prostitutes is loss of control and "power" by your average woman or her average man. Tell me you haven't witheld sex for what you want and i probably won't believe you. If a man could just get legally laid when needed, women in general would not be very happy and outrage would ensue. Human nature i guess.


Beavis's picture


So if that hunkey looking pool guy charms my wife for a bigger than normal tip that's okay but if I got to my local massage parlor and get something special for nothing but maybe a larger tip that's ourright wrong? Yeah it's a dorky teenage like site but what two consenting adults do (with no cash involved) is between them.




lesux's picture


I suggest you keep your ignorant high brow attitudes about sex to yourself. While your self claimed moral leaders keep getting caught molesting children, I think you ought to re-examine the problem of sexual frustration in a sexually repressed society.


Nunya Bidnezz's picture

Nunya Bidnezz

It appears the author of this article has not ever had a pleasurable Oriental massage experience or is it msarko to uptight panties in a wad to actually enjoy life...?

  Or is it msarko gets his enjoyment from life being one of these oh so politically correct whack jobs....and enjoyment is attained from going about spewing out such dribble as the above...

  2ndly what kinda ditzy broad is going to go to a site titled rub maps looking for a Day Spa experience????

" It's offensive and demeaning to call a womans vagina a kitty. "

ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,...that's a real keeper there...ILMFAO....

We would've had a huge laugh at that one when I was working at the HUSTLER CLUB SF. 

msarko has really shown what msarko does not know about or have even the slightest of a clue WTF msarko is talking about here....the big give away is the line....(almost certianly fictional experiences)...msarko man up go get a rub down holmes.....

As one who has frequented rub and tugs and more the world over...

It's so pleasurable !

 Ya it's fun !

  I make the experience fun and often pleasurable for the provider...more than once I've knocked their little transmissions into high gear...and leave them panting and very happy...when a whore gives you her phone number it's not only for the money....whores are people too !

  Transmissions that's another word for Kitty aka vagina

 I have a good time hitting these's pay up and enjoy no emotional strings and complications no drama....and 'am not focused on sex and getting laid when need to be thinking about what I'm doing while conducting my job, which is in a safety sensitive industry.

Many of the women who work in these joints actually enjoy the work...

I know of one such lady that documents her encounters as she put it she is conducting sexual research and writting a book perhaps a series...



Lovehookers's picture


Haha! There are so many places like this out there and let's face it, some guys just cannot get laid. Most cops aren't wasting their time hanging out around Asian massage parlors. If anyone truly cared and prostitution was legitimately wrong then there would be no rub maps.


joe53ca's picture


I agree, the cops should just concentrate on more devious crimes like murder, gangs, and child
rapists, at least this provides some relief for some guys who dont get it regularly, i don't
personaly consider them ''hookers'' at least thier in a controled enviroment and they are clean
at least the ones ive been to and the ladies are clean and very careful about what they do.
So cops, get over it!!!


bruce's picture


get off your high horse, buddy. and the fact that you began your article perpetuating the media inspired myth of the loony ron paul meme that only the ignorant sheeple actually accept as truth only serves to show how much of a misinformed tool you really are. its already bad enough that you try to demean us mongers by chiding us with moral rebukes about our terminology, but to try wtf does ron paul have to do with any of this? he happens to be the only guy running for president who makes any sense, if you actually went to look at his platform for yourself rather than accept the hearsay and ongoing smear campaign against the guy, you might be able to see for yourself, assuming that you are capable of doing some critical thinking for yourself, of course.


JP-'s picture


getting a Hand Job is not illegal..if no discussion of money comes up..a Happy Ending typically refers to simply a' rub and tug.

If you need to know how it all works:



Tommy's picture


That's all i can say...


Oldhand's picture


The author disses Rubmaps, but quite frankly, for those of us who seek out these happy endings, this site is a godsend.  No more wasting our time trying new places hoping their will be a happy ending at the end of it.

It also tells us which places give us that happy ending, and which places are straight up brothels, should we want that, or with to avoid them.

The reviews are of course, only as good as those who write them.  Some are drivel, others are gold!

And no, your likelihood of getting arrested is not high.


Sinbad's picture


I have to agree with oldhand that fior people interested in this activity it gives people an idea of what level of service to expect from various establishments, which places rip you off, etc. There is no other site like it that I know of. Unfortunately it is no longer free.


Tommy's picture


Glad I found this article because I was missing out on the fun for too long going to the wrong places...thanks to and JP's i'm having the time of my life now and saving both money and time... love it! thanks guys!


jon's picture


rubmty aps webside nothing just let people talk about sex and talk dirty and bad about some one else why this webside is on