Craigslist Files #5

I would like to conduct an experiment and I need some volunteers. Before I go into the details, I want to reassure you that, despite my reputation, I am 100% serious about this. For all of the following craigslist postings, I would like one volunteer to take the text, verbatim, and shout it on a busy street corner. The purpose of this experiment, which I promise isn't just to embarrass a stranger in public, is to compare and contrast the results-getting potential of free online personals listings and actual interaction with flesh and blood, however absurd. Here are your options:

making friendship

i am looking for some one who is interested in improve (her/his) english language. due to i am new incomer in (city omitted) , i like to know more about this city. (she/he) should be adventurous person.

  Just imagine how epic the results of such a partnership would be. Two foreign people, one of whom has a grasp on English that is shaky at best and the other who knows only enough English to have the most vague understanding of the above offer. Three months down the line, the two new friends would walk into a restaurant and begin to have a conversation that would make William S. Burroughs leap from his grave and do a happy dance on the dirt. "Betsy in the Heaven, has not the all city-round walkings anstalled quite a the hungry about selves!"- "Affirmatively the intercourse! An belly has for made devoid and as well the out-passing is becoming very so potential!"  

MATURE WOMEN YOU NEED

I REALLY WOULD LOVE A GUY THAT WOULD NEVER BREAK MY HEART. THAT LOVES ME FOR ME,THAT WOULD TREAT ME LIKE A LADY SHOULD BE TREATED.ALSO IF WE GO OUT TO A RESTAURANT THAT HE WOULD HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME. ALSO JUST GENERALLY BE A PERFECT GENTLEMAN. If anyone volunteers to take this post, it's very important that you scream every word at the top of your lungs. Also, if you could find a way to somehow combine the pause after "TREATED" with the beginning of the word "ALSO", that would be great. Extra points if you can actually get a date and then shout at the guy all night.

Is my Prince out there!!!!

desent lady here looking for a on contact lover to saticfy my urges whenever I want. Let me taste your turned on d*ck while you kiss my kitten then we can pound for hours. Please contact with image and be ddf.

Finally, a woman who understands the intimate needs of this nation's Prince impersonators. The purple velvet enthusiasts out there have a really difficult time finding that special someone who will indulge in the flavor of a well-moored dock, or possibly a cleanly swept deck. This woman is an extra good catch because she's a cat lover. Felines, especially very young ones, need a lot of affection. The fact that this lady wants to include her partners in this activity is quite appealing. Also, she reminds us of how important it is to tenderize your meats before cooking, though I think she's a bit too enthusiastic. Hours of pounding wouldn't result in a very good steak, but I guess it doesn't matter if carpaccio is on the menu.  

Needing Massage Partner

Hi there, I am a man and need a woman for massage partner. I amn't a LMP and doesn't matter whether or not you are a LMP. I live in downtown (city omitted). I can travel or host. Let's have mutual satisfaction without thinking about minutes. Please hit me up if you are interested. You won't be disappointed. Hope to hear from you soon.

Sometimes it's downright impressive how creative some guys will try to be in an attempt to get laid. It's also amazing how clueless they can be about the female psyche. This poor sap actually believes there's a woman out there dumb enough to fall for this. That, or he missed the "erotic services" section in his hunt for a prostitute. At least when his trial for sexual assault/solicitation comes up he'll have a chance to plead "amn't guilty".

testing Viagra

I bought Viagra and am looking for a partner with whom I can test its effectivness..

Best. Post. Ever. If anyone wants to take any of these listings to the streets, make sure to record your efforts and send me the results at netinsanity@gmail.com. I will totally buy you something if you do it.